THIS GETTING OLDER...IT'S KILLING ME!

You know how long I've been doing this diabetic thing; more than 65 years with insulin, constant blood testing etc.  Well, I've been keeping my own spirits up since I've been a little kid by just knowing there are people with worse ailments and worse situations than mine.  I hope I've been encouraging you too.  But suddenly.........................

I'm tired.

I'm tired of wearing the pump 24/7 for the last 15 years.  I'm tired of taking glucose tests and recording them every day on a chart.  I'
m tired of having to count carbohydrates before I open my mouth, I'm tired of being so diligent about every body part.  It didn't seem to be that way.  It's because I'm getting older and my body is also tired of taking care of all these things too.

Here I am, able to see well enough to drive after being 5+ years of legal blindness.  I was so proud of myself for having that miracle occur.  I was legally blind and finally accepting it.  Then new surgeries came into play and suddenly my life and the world became larger again after my accepting it getting smaller and more confined and closed.  Now suddenly, I'm beginning to lose chunks of vision in my good eye.  Apparently some of the jelly at the back of my eye is sloughing off.

Now every day I just pray with thankfulness that I'll have my vision until the end of my days.  I would like to trust that but I now have to again, try to figure how and where I'll manage things if I lose my vision.  I know there's ways.  Others do it.  But I'm tired of trying to 'make the best of it'.  It's as though I lost my courage.  

Lately so many maintenance things have occurred that there is something going on every week.  I've been in A-fib which means my heart is beating too hard.  After being on drugs to slow that down, I began having some eye problems because of the contraindications of that very drug that helped.  Digoxin.  Then doctors suggested wearing a Holter which measures the activity of the heart.  For some reason, while I was wearing that and stressed about work and other things, the cap on my FRONT TOOTH came off.  Ridiculous!  While I was wearing my Holter and insulin pump tucked away in a fanny pack, I was rushing down to the dentist 70 miles one way to have that fixed because I looked like a Halloween pumpkin with the mouth cut out.  I couldn't go to work that day.  Talk about tired!  Rushing back in the other direction to get to the doctor's office to have the Holter taken off certainly made me stressed.  

I figure if I lived through all that, I must be in pretty good shape!

Anxious to see what the Holter revealed with all that stress, running and not being able to go to work.  I did wonder what that taught me.